Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Full Hands Full Heart

One of the most wonderful things about a new baby is how they fall asleep right on top of you, and they stay there.  For hours.
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Sadly, this was also one of the most difficult things for me to accept when Sophie was this tiny.  I had been such a busy person pre-kids. I filled up my every millisecond with activity.  And then I had a newborn. And suddenly, there was no more knitting.  There was no more standing over a boiling pot.  There was no more yoga, no more running, no more sitting at a sewing machine.  No more taking beautiful artistic photographs of my homegrown tomatoes.  (No more homegrown tomatoes.)  Time stood still, and all I could do was Just. Sit. There.

It drove me absolutely bonkers for the first few months of Sophie's life.  I tried to figure out a workaround -- maybe I could type blog entries on my phone.  Maybe I could use the iPad.  Maybe I could knit, if I just did it slowly enough, with as little movement as possible.

But no.  Sophie wouldn't stand for it.  If I moved, she woke up. And screamed.  And so, I learned how to Just Sit There.  I spent a lot of time staring at the things in her room in the wee hours of the morning. Counting the squares on a quilt.  Trying to remember lines from movies.  Anything to occupy my restless brain.

This time around, I've been lucky.  Scarlett lets me type with her in my lap, which is huge. But I still miss my hands.  I still miss my hobbies.  I miss my homegrown tomatoes.  And it takes some mental fortitude for me to just relax and enjoy this time.  Just relax, quit trying to DO things and just BE.  (... she says as she types this blog...)  This time with a newborn is so short, so fleeting.  Scarlett will be toddling around our house, dropping things in our toilets before I know it.  (Shudder.)  And so I'm making an extra effort this go-around to slow down, give myself a break, and let myself just sit here and stare at those long, gorgeous piano fingers.  To let myself just sit here and enjoy the feeling of a warm baby making my right arm fall asleep.

The hobbies will return, and they'll be even more enjoyable because I will be able to share them with my girls.  We will be able to cook together, craft together, grow tomatoes together. And I'll be able to tell them stories about how, when they were very tiny, I sat in our armchair for an unreasonably long amount of time, just sniffing their little baby heads and trying my best to cement that scent in my brain.

1 comment:

Coupon Code said...

I really pray for you to enjoy each and every moment of your life with the growth of your kid. Just enjoy these moments you are gonna get an ample of time to move on and practice with your hobbies,